I don't think this concept of "Love" really is for me. I've written stuff like this in the past, like "ahhh I don't believe in Love" etc etc emo angst emo angst...but this was when my relationship with my first love had come to an end. Hm...that was probably like...two years ago. Since then it's been rebound after rebound. But the thing is I didn't feel like they were "rebounds" at the time. Well...even now. But everyone keeps pointing out that they were. Maybe they're right? I have been jumping into relationships after another...Loneliness scares me.

Well no, being alone isn't quite so bad...but I get bored really fast.

Actually...in this point...I feel like someone has caught my eye. But...maybe I'm just psyching myself out for another so called "rebound." Except with this one...I feel like I can find myself get bored really easily. Chasing after someone isn't a bad thing, but when they don't chase you back and you just keep running...it becomes meaningless. Boring.

Maybe I am just DOUBTING or overthinking this concept of "love"...I guess the way I see it, I want to be seen as someone "special" just like anyone else. Being able to check my phone and be in a state of bliss when that person leaves me a message (either through voicemail or text), replaying that voicemail, re-reading that text...finding out that that person is doing the same, that person finding ways to make me happy...to cheer me up even though I'm not sad but just to say that there is someone that cares. あ．．．それは元彼のCharm Pointだったな．．．I feel like I do have someone like that in my life...actually, I do. It's just not the amount I was looking forward to. This isn't something to complain about, because the little things add up...

I don't know...the whole "the right one for you" and that whole "fate" deal just ends up sounding like a fairy tale to me...just like religion (no offense, personal opinion). I truly do hope that it ends up not being a fairy tale. Either that, or I truly hope someone has better luck than me and isn't afraid. Re-reading this...maybe I'm just scared of commitment and have trust issues?

My self esteem has really gone down...how pathetic.

Labels: love, personal, relationships, stupidity