Labels: lost in translation, mood, relationships

I don't think this concept of "Love" really is for me. I've written stuff like this in the past, like "ahhh I don't believe in Love" etc etc emo angst emo angst...but this was when my relationship with my first love had come to an end. Hm...that was probably like...two years ago. Since then it's been rebound after rebound. But the thing is I didn't feel like they were "rebounds" at the time. Well...even now. But everyone keeps pointing out that they were. Maybe they're right? I have been jumping into relationships after another...Loneliness scares me.

Well no, being alone isn't quite so bad...but I get bored really fast.

Actually...in this point...I feel like someone has caught my eye. But...maybe I'm just psyching myself out for another so called "rebound." Except with this one...I feel like I can find myself get bored really easily. Chasing after someone isn't a bad thing, but when they don't chase you back and you just keep running...it becomes meaningless. Boring.

Maybe I am just DOUBTING or overthinking this concept of "love"...I guess the way I see it, I want to be seen as someone "special" just like anyone else. Being able to check my phone and be in a state of bliss when that person leaves me a message (either through voicemail or text), replaying that voicemail, re-reading that text...finding out that that person is doing the same, that person finding ways to make me happy...to cheer me up even though I'm not sad but just to say that there is someone that cares. あ．．．それは元彼のCharm Pointだったな．．．I feel like I do have someone like that in my life...actually, I do. It's just not the amount I was looking forward to. This isn't something to complain about, because the little things add up...

I don't know...the whole "the right one for you" and that whole "fate" deal just ends up sounding like a fairy tale to me...just like religion (no offense, personal opinion). I truly do hope that it ends up not being a fairy tale. Either that, or I truly hope someone has better luck than me and isn't afraid. Re-reading this...maybe I'm just scared of commitment and have trust issues?

My self esteem has really gone down...how pathetic.

Labels: love, personal, relationships, stupidity

Labels: personal, photography, photoshop

I can tell you one thing...AT LEAST 3 of these things will be checked off...and that's not going to be the last one. ( ^^;;)

Went to sleep early last night and I kept having the most surrealist dreams (well, it's a dream. duh.) and last nights...I felt like I was spinning. Most of these dreams have been very much like a carnival. Kind of a fun pun on life. Now...I kind of wish to go back to sleep...Zzz...It's more fun to dream...you can fly!

Well...gotta saddle up. Lots to do today. Have to keep my mind busy. Stop thinking. Stop being needy towards people. Especially to him. I'm feeling pretty explosive today...like I want to get punched. But of course I'm too much of a pussy to get in an actual fight :P

Labels: Apathy, depression, sleep

 At first, truth be told, I wasn't really looking forward to his visit because I would be really busy studying...and I felt bad for him...but...I'm actually really thankful he came! ^^~! I had someone to eat lunch with ♥! //forever alone.





















End of the night...ended up watching Sweeney Todd...ah...now those songs wont get out of my head...
See? That song will be in my head...for months...Or well...maybe this time it wont be that severe? I don't know...but ah...these days I feel like I've been truly simple minded. Hah, actually I think I HAVE become more and more of an airhead. Granted, that I was one in the beginning...just got a bit more...stupid? Yes.

Enough of this babble. Sleep is in due order. But...I feel I can't sleep. Because there isn't a person to greet me "Good Morning" or "Good Night" like there used to...haaaaaaaaah stupid excuse. But those days were nice...I didn't realize how important texts were until I met this new person in my life. The old days with that past person, are disappearing. The old days full of texts and picture mail...are gone.

Alas...it can't be helped. The past is the past. The present may not be as glamorous as it once was in the past, but the future has many hopes! So...I guess I have to be optimistic on this one? Don't be so spoiled!

Labels: Apathy, life, Photo Shoot, photography, relationships, stupidity, UTSA

BOOK SALE @ UTSA!!!


I really liked how they used colorful book cases...I want some bright bookcases now...♥

Hm...every Uni that I've been to (yes, yes...I transferred again...) has always had a Chic-Fil-A...well...except for St. Edwards. Damn hippies!


Gah...Drawing II...I kind of dislike this class, but this time...I actually like it. Color wasn't THAT bad for me compared to scale and proportions...and the color pencil bit was fun~~~♫!


Just chillin' before Physical Anthro....which was a HORRIBLE idea...I didn't realize we had HW
FUCK! (\( O____O ;;;;(\   )
But...thankfully I ran with all my might...printed the work sheets...and...well...had help from my peers.

Psh...look at that tool (my friend Nao...the one in the white hoodie)

Gah...so after panicking a bit during Phys.Anthropology...I panicked again in Survey of Modern Art. I normally don't bitch so much about teachers...I mean they are doing their jobs tormenting teaching their students...well, usually they are reasonable. The last teacher I disliked at UIW...I guess she was trying to get me to suit up and work harder...but of course I grew more and more apathetic towards Graphic Design...It just...really lost it's flame with me...Sad, but true. Although she was a bitch, she got me to design a bit cleaner...and some advice on my career path...so...I can't be too harsh with her...not like the one I am about to rant on now..........seriously WTF?!

1.) Art History teacher...still working on her degree. Well her masters, good luck to her.
2.) From Mexico, has a thick accent...her lectures go REALLY fast...and her vocabulary isn't THAT broad...she tends to ask questions about using a word correctly from time to time...well gotta give her credit for trying. A 2nd language is hard to learn, and teaching in it...? Daaaamn. Go her!
3.) Her Test: 1st one was easy, good study guide.
4.) Her Test: 2nd one...Thursday....no study guide. WTF?
5.) 2nd Test: Identify 10 artworks. She will not give a list for ANYTHING. She wont give us a list to study within...she wont give us multiple choices on them...WTF?!
6.) All my past Art History teachers have given me a 30-50 slide list, and would test us on at least 10 of them...sure that was hard...but at least they GAVE us an idea and was trying to AIDE us...WTF is UP with this woman?! We can't understand her, her lectures suck (they always get side tracked), and well...WTF?!

LADY GIVE US A BREAK HERE!!!

Bah...fuck that woman. She's nice...but she is retarded. There was a girl who was close to tears when the teacher was explaining how she wouldn't help us on the test...Well that girl seemed like an overachiever...but a really hard working student...so...I don't blame her for panicking so much to the point of tears. At the moment...I'm just pissed. Utterly shocked really. But fuck it...here comes another all nighter...gotta study rather than blogging and ranting on this nonsense....hm...too late :P!

Labels: college, homework, school, stupidity, UTSA